i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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