Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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