he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
