6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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