We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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