I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
