laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
