I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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