my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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