she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
