can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
