So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
