im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
