i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
