I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
