i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
