11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
whose ass print is on the piano?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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