talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
