I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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