guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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