I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
love makes seman taste better
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
