woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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