yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
