it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
