Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
