Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
