Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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