You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
