Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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