Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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