my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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