Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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