I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize