I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
