dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
