I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
