It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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