Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
