chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
