i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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