Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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