Apparently you make a good broom.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
