we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
