Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
