Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
MIDGETS
????
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
