Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
