if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
