She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
