Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
