i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
