Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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