So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
