For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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