Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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