I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
