better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
