yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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