I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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