i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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