my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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