yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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