why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize