oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
