It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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