Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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