Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
