Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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