don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
