Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
