The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
