he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
