Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
