i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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