New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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