You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
