so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
