you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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