you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
