All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
