Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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