Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
