I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
