I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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